Johns Story
On June 11th 2009 John Wraith was diagnosed with
Chronic Myeloid Leukeamia.
The symptoms (in my case) I can now relate to:
Loss of appetite followed by rapid unintentional weight loss, tiredness & lack of energy (mild narcolepsy), painful left side (swollen spleen), water retention/swollen feet, cramp & profuse sweating (during sleep), erectile dysfunction.
If you suffer these symptoms please go for a blood test it may save your life.
· My wife now refers back to a specific day in December 2008 – We had spent all of our time over the previous 3 months renovating our house ready to move back into in October, which left just a couple of jobs to be finished after the move. I remember it was a bitterly cold day but only getting 1 day a week actual free time I had promised to brick up the window under the stairs around where the flue protruded for the new heating system we’d had installed. I’d phoned just to let her know that my fingers were not completely numb from the cold and I was going for a hot bath to thaw out! That evening we sat down in our usual disorderly fashion to eat tea – I took one mouthful and couldn’t face the thought of another bite.
Weeks went by and I was fully back into working, I did work hard and lots of hours I was the one who could never say no, a bit of a workaholic, I’d go home at night falling asleep where I sat, either on the floor or on the sofa.
I was hiding in my work, and no longer had a family or social life. I was of course oblivious to this, as never once in my life has it ever crossed my mind that I would suffer from anything other than the usual illnesses like colds and flu. Infact I can only ever recall visiting a doctors surgery once before.
I really wasn’t getting any better, I developed a cough then one afternoon at work I developed a nasty pain in my left side. The dates are all a bit sketchy, but it was time to admit I needed to seek professional advice so I visited my GPs’ surgery with my complaints. Viruses can last this long can’t they?
My GP was off at the time and I booked in to see the locum Doctor. Well he said he was a doctor. I mean, when I give golf lessons I show my PGA certificate to prove I can teach
But all he had was a stethoscope. I gave him all my symptoms, complained about my ‘virus’ and a pain in my left side - spleen area (I was told later by another doctor).
I can recall his exact words as being “I have a waiting room full of sick people and you come and visit me with a cough”! He went on to examine me and said it sounded like my left lung had fluid and booked me in at Fleetwood hospital for and X-ray and he sent me away with a course of anti-biotic which admittedly did begin to work and I felt better over the next 2 weeks. I had a 2nd X-ray to confirm my chest was now clear. But I was still wasn’t happy with my tiredness.
I had been masking problems by popping pills (co-codomal) which I found to be a pick me up.
I received an enquiry for a Trick Golf Show and started to get myself back in shape.
On 26th March I was in Loch Lomond making final preparations for my Trick Golf Show.
The Cross Country Golf event at Barnard Castle Golf & Country Club and surprise inclusion and guest participation of my Trick Golf Show on the 6th hole was deemed a success, an enjoyable day for all! Trick golf after all is second nature to me, it has been my pleasure to perform all over Europe for over 20 years most of the time the tricks being intentional!
It had been a really nice day but I couldn’t for the life of me work out why I was so tired, normally I can play 36 holes of Golf in a Day, and a Trick golf Show for me was a breeze. I was still convinced that I just had to build myself up more, I’d been working too hard and this was my body’s’ way of saying take it a little easier.
I returned to Cameron House Hotel, outside (the only place to get a signal) while ringing my wife Debs I found myself surrounded by players from the Scottish National Football team who had been training nearby. At the same time they were all (reporting back to base) ringing their WAGS - it was nice to hear obviously rich young footballers asking about their kids and such.
I finished my phone call and headed up to my room to have a nice hot shower and lay on the bed.
I dozed off – this had become normality, a transition so gradual over the months I always brushed off as … “I wasn’t asleep I was just relaxing”
Schools are now back after the Easter break, and I am in full flow - I was teaching 10 year old kids every day at various local schools and they loved it!
Monday Wednesday Thursday and Friday, then every Tuesday I was teaching the kids at my son’s school.
Night times were always the same… I would come home and the tiredness would set in immediately. I thought I was working too hard but then I began to lose my appetite.
I have always loved my food - all food! You certainly don’t get to 118Kg from picky eating. Anyhow, I was still pouring myself a glass of red wine in the evening, but I wasn’t enjoying it as much as before. Bed time would come, and I transferred my fatigued body to the bedroom. In the night my sleep was always disturbed, I get up 3 times a night to go to the toilet, or wake up with sweats.
My sex life was not as usual I had no stamina, no energy, in my mind it was all put down to my heavy work load.
Working through the month I was getting worse and now my weight loss was getting out of hand, down one waist size, my tops were beginning hang off me but worse of all I was weak - I had lost muscle in my arms and legs. I began to find simple chores a struggle, not one to complain I just got on with it. I was finding clothing that fitted me again, infact it was like getting a new wardrobe, in the back of my mind I was concerned, and on the other hand I looked better. If I’d known more about the Leukaemia symptoms from day one I would have been more concerned but you don’t and as with most men, going to see the Doctor is not some thing you like to do.
My next symptoms were swollen feet and ankles; full of water, again they I just dismissed this because I spent so much time on my feet.
Late April, I was invited to go to Switzerland to teach for 2 days. I thought it would be a nice break, chance to relax, play golf and see some old friends. We booked 18 holes, the weather was so hot and sticky and after playing 9 holes I had to excuse myself, I was completely done in! I had been drinking water all the way round but could not take another step, I decided it was all down to the heat and again dismissed it. The following evening after a quiet day I decided to walk to a local good Italian Restaurant I know, halfway there I had to stop, my legs were just so tired. It is too hot here. When I worked in the South of Switzerland about 7 years ago, I must have acclimatized as I didn’t suffer the heat and humidity, even though I worked all day. So there I was telling myself that its probably just the fact I’m not used to it anymore.
The flight home was a night flight and I slept for an hour and arrived home, had a glass of wine and told my wife about my tiredness. We had spoke over the phone briefly but as phone costs are high I waited until my return so I didn’t cause any concern. Still no alarm bells ringing.
May came along and we were all busy with work and business was picking up at my Golf Range. Late Spring means that the grass needed cutting more often, so twice a week I had to cut the grass, looking back I don’t know what was driving me, after moving and washing the golf balls cutting the grass and struggling through my daily routines I wasn’t just tired at night anymore. My wife and her mum were becoming more and more concerned.
We have a caravan up in the Lakes and every weekend my family and extended family, my lads friends, my wifes’ parents and occasionally my Mum and Dad go up to the Lake District. I would go up after work Friday night, but always came back to work on Saturday and go home Saturday night – eat, relax and try to catch up on my sleep with no one in the house to bother me, and not feel like I was being monitored.
This continued on through May, it was a hotter month than we have had for a while, I was still sweating at night but put it down to the warmer weather. What is now obvious to me is the complete denial – It is so difficult to explain how easily I fell into this trap, the knowing that things weren’t right, but hoping it will pass and things will get better, I mean I did have days when I felt great as well, which just fuelled the denial, and excuses, I was still convinced it was some type of virus.
One nice evening near the end of May we had a family barbeque at home, there was quiet a crowd of us. As usual, I was the designated banger burner, I had a few nibbles (chefs prerogative) while cooking, what I didn’t know was that I was being watched by my increasingly concerned family. When we all sat down to eat, they were noting my food intake or lack of it. “You didn’t eat much John”! “No”, I said “I was eating when cooking, just a glass of wine now and I will be OK”.
I sat down to relax with my glass of wine and nodded off.
The next day I called into the office of the family business where my wife works with her parents “How do you feel this morning John”? “On top of the world” as I generally did in the morning, then kindly asked them leave me alone and stop pecking at me, if there had been anything wrong I wouldn’t have admitted it.
Debbie’s Dad backed me up “ leave the lad alone now”.
June and the range was getting busier, which meant more hours, working till late, usually 9pm, returning home to eat then sleep. Now the nights were very disturbed, It became normal to end up on the sofa after sweating a lot in bed usually soaked by 3 30.
Monday 8th June my wife rang and told me she had booked an appointment at the Doctors, 9 30 Wednesday the 10th.
Doctor Rameson: “What can I do for you today Mr Wraith”? “Well”, I said “I’ve lost quiet a lot of weight, I am having terrible night sweats and tiredness, but my general health is quite good and I don’t particularly feel ill”.
The Doctor went on to examine me, weigh me, he listened to my lungs, checked my heart, blood pressure, “Good, that’s OK, I think you should see a chest expert anyway as your side is still a bit painful, where is it exactly”? I pointed and he said “Lay down”, he examined the exact area (my spleen) and without hesitation booked me in for a blood test 1st thing in the morning.
Debbie was waiting in the car outside, so I told her nothing wrong with me but I was to go back for a blood test tomorrow to eliminate any concerns. I went to her work, had a cup of coffee and onto my days work.
The Day my Life Changed
Woke up as normal Thursday morning had another drink of water as I was told to fast - God I need a coffee! I took James to School, drove round to the Doctors and waited for my blood test, the first in nearly 20yrs! I was dreading it, will it hurt? I hate needles!
By 9:40 I was out of the surgery, it hadn’t hurt too much. I set off to Debs office and grab that much needed cup of coffee.
At 9:50 I left for work arriving at 10:10 I set about my days work.
It had been a pleasant Summers day, and I had managed to give a couple of golf lessons, this my mate Tim was due in at 8pm, he always gave a hand on Thursdays to round up the ball baskets and lock up.
At 6:50pm my phone rang with a withheld number. I never answer those calls, people selling things “Do you want a new phone contract” etc… but whoever it had been left a voice message, it was pretty late for telesales, and something made me check my voice mail straight away.
Blackpool Victoria Hospital Hematology Department - You had a blood test this morning, it,s very important you ring this number now whatever you’re doing STOP ring me - my name is Doctor Horton.–
I immediately returned his call…
“Can I speak to Dr Horton please it’s John Wraith I have a message to ring him”
“Sorry” came the reply, “he has just stepped out - Are you alone or do you have someone with you”?
S**T I thought this is not good! Kevin my next lesson had just arrived, “Yes, an acquaintance of mine is with me”
“Sit down” he said “and listen carefully. You are very sick, we have just finished your blood test and it shows up a serious problem, we have booked you in the Clinical Decisions Unit at Victoria Hospital Blackpool. You have to go there now –Dr Horton will ring you as soon as he comes back in”!
Kevin could see the news was bad and said “Are you OK - you have gone grey”
So I told him my news, I arranged cover and left - I thought I would go home first and get Debbie to run me to the hospital, realising as I jumped in the Land Rover I was low on diesel… I will make it 5 mins down the M55 motorway if I’m lucky!
The phone rang - a withheld number, this had to be the Doctor!
“Mr Wraith”?
“John” I said.
“John” he said “listen very carefully it’s important – from your blood results we have found a disorder called Acute Myeloid Leukaemia, this disorder is life threatening, you need to get yourself to Victoria Hospital immediately, we have reserved a bed for you at the Clinical Decisions Unit, go to A and E they will direct you from there. “John do you understand …….This is urgent…….Are you on your own”?
“Yes” I replied.
“Where are you now”?
“M55” I replied.
“John” he said “drive carefully - Good Luck”!
The call ended.
All I could think about was the nature he delivered the news and the thought that had gone into what he had to say, I was obviously not the 1st he’d rang with such news.
I phoned Debbie.
“You will have to make overnight arrangements for James tonight. The Doctor has just phoned me from the Hospital, about my blood test results, I have to go straight there, I’ve got Leukaemia, I’m sorry to give you bad news”.
She tried to reassure me and told me to take my time.
Rapid arrangements were made for James’ to be dropped off at his Aunties house.
I arrived home at 7 30 with just enough diesel to make it up the drive. I parked my Land Rover and went inside, automatically putting keys and stuff where Debs would be able to find them.
Within 10 minutes I was being driven to the hospital.
At the Hospital A&E they directed me straight upstairs to the Clinical Decisions Unit.
I checked in at the reception, and they sent us to a waiting room… “Mr Wraith, John” I said “Yes”, “John we will put you on a ward”, I looked around and the some of the patients were very ill!
“Infact I will see if we have a single room for you” she said.
It took about 10 mins to sort me out and then it started – “Evening John, I need to put a line in you so we can keep you hydrated”
“Ouch! that hurts”
“Yes” she said “most men say that” and I thought that probably true but I don’t like needles. The drip started and my arm felt cold for a while, just when I thought I was in the clear in came the Ward Sister
“How do you feel John”?
“A bit anxious you know”
“Well this wont take long just need some blood” she said I replied “You had some this morning can you not use that”
“No, we need fresh blood and we need to carry out more tests”.
Its now about 8 15 I am still in shock I don’t know much about Leukaemia only that a boy I knew when I was young died from it and that Gary Linekers’ son had it and they went to Japan for treatment.
The clock and the drip I was on were in perfect unison Tic…drip… Tock… drip.
Debbie and I sat on the end of the bed, and the wait began.
I must admit that my thoughts were of the worst kind - I must make sure things are alright for the family… I wonder how long I have… Next sentence: Don’t be daft you can beat this if you need to - never lost at anything my whole life long,not starting now! I have far to much to fit into my life.
I was then wheeled down for an X-ray, I was glad to see a familiar face, a lady that visits my Driving Range was the operator, she reassured me as I left that the pictures of my lymph glands and lungs looked clear.
I told Debbie when I returned, but we didn’t speak much. My mind was in turmoil, thoughts racing, so many questions swimming round, and still in total shock, the velocity of what had happened, I hadn’t even felt ill!
I was given medication, but the main tablet they wanted to put me on had to be brought in, the sister came round at about 10.45 and produced 3 massive pills. “What’s the medication”? Debbie asked, and she gave us the name, “but what does it do”?
“It’s the start of your Chemo”
Debbie and I just looked at each other.
I think the sister said that the Doctor who was looking at my case would be round soon to see me and explain my results from my 2nd blood test.
My eldest son was very concerned, and I wasn’t ready to speak with anyone until I could answer their questions, Debbie tried to lighten the news by saying that there was a white blood cell deficiency and they were taking further tests, but my son isn’t one to accept anything but the full truth of the situation, he lost his mother, my first wife, 6 years ago, to brain cancer, and struggled through the heartache of seeing his wife and mother of his 3 children be diagnosed and treated with the same. So I had to be honest and tell him.
My daughter who had been through the agony of losing her mother had text me, just to let me know her contractions had started and her baby was on the way – so I had to be very careful about how much information got through to her.
The time passed very slow and it was an endless wait for the Doctor but he came through my door a little after midnight.
An Indian Doctor, lots of hair I thought, for a Doctor.
“Mr Wraith”
“Yes” I said “its John”
“OK John, I have the results of your latest blood tests”, he then made small talk and asked questions about my symptoms. I tried as best as I could to recall the last months but I knew he had news for me and my concentration was very bad at this time.
“Right John, the blood tests indicate that you have Leukaemia, there are different types of Leukaemia, with different treatments and it now appears that it may not be as severe as the initial analysis, but need to carry out more tests and maybe do a bonemarrow probe. I am not a specialist, the Hematologist will be in to see you in the morning and will be able to give you more answers. – Just remember one of the strongest medications is in here” and tapped his head.
Debbie says it was at this point she decided to let me get some rest and she left for home.
Tick…drip….Tock….drip.
7:30 More blood taken, then a nice nurse gave me a cup of tea and Breakfast.
I had just finished when my Hematologist came to see me. “John, I am Emily, I will be in charge of your case from here on, when we have a bed free we will move you to Hematology and Oncology Ward and you will be looked after there.
Well, your blood count looks better than yesterday and further tests have confirmed it is Leukeamia, but not the Acute case that we first suspected – You have Chronic Myeloid Leukemia.”
I thought it sounded even worse!
She then began to explain it was much easier and more successful to treat than Acute Myeloid Leukaemia. “We have a new wonder drug called Imatinib, made by Novartis in Switzerland, one tablet a day - we call it the Golden Bullet and the results are very encouraging”. On this she left me some literature a CML booklet and the medication information. – I didn’t want to know anymore about it than what the specialist told me, so I set the information she left to one side.
When the doctor had left I rang Debbie told her the better news, then rang my Mum & Dad, my eldest son Andrew and Geoff my Daughters Partner who was at this time timing the contractions which had started again.
Nurse came and then did what soon became my daily routine of Blood test blood pressure temperature and the usual questions “Water works OK? Turned your bowels over today”? “Yes” I replied “perfect working order”.
10.00, in came my Daughter and Geoff her Partner.
“I thought you were in maternity having a baby” I was pleased to see her.
She was very upset, dealing with the contractions then the thought of her Dad not being here was to much to bear, but with the news that it was CML and treatable she perked up, and left half an hour later, to contend with the rest of her day - in a happier frame of mind.
11ish Debbie arrived armed with PJs, toiletries, slippers and a newspaper - straight to the sports page to see who have Man City have bought today, then to Golf.
Lunch came I wasn’t exactly ravenous, my appetite was struggling before my diagnosis, so the food that arrived was hardly appealing, just essential.
Back on my own again, I made a few phone calls and the door opened again - My Dad, he’d been downstairs to see the eye specialist, “You OK son”?
“Well I said better than 24 hours ago but still not out of the woods yet”. He’d brought me a drink of apple juice, some chocolate and a cold bacon sandwich - well it’s the thought that counts.
He shuffled left and right looked uncomfortable made small talk, commented that 3 generations were all at the hospital at the same time and then said “I am off” - My Dad never liked being inside Hospitals and I think as much as he wanted to stay in a blink he was off home.
So alone again in my room door opened again it was my son Andrew “Hi Son” I said “what are you doing here”? he had taken a day off teaching, he’d already planned to be in Blackpool when the baby’s born but he was on a time factor because it was his youngest lads birthday today he had to get back home for his party.
Andrew sat with me for almost an hour, then went off to maternity in the hope of catching a glimpse of the baby and a couple of photos to take home, but he had to leave as it turned out half an hour before the baby was born.
3pm I got a phone call from Geoff, “You have a Grandson, 8lbs mother and baby are both doing well”! then a text picture of them both arrived.
I had a cup of tea to celebrate, then slept until I was woken by the smell of food.
I ate up, had a shower and then went back to bed, slept a bit. At visiting time ee were both a bit more positive and spoke with a bit more knowledge about my illness, the last 24hrs had really taken its toll on me. We decided to ask the ward sister if it would be possible to go and see my Daughter and Baby, she rang Maternity and the answer was yes. In a flash my drip was plugged out and Debs was dragging me backwards in a wheel chair through the hospital corridors.
It was lovely to see them, at one point I said something and baby Tyler opened his eyes and seemed to look right at me as if to say “keep it down I’ve had a long day, trying to sleep here”.
Later back on my ward I was soon asleep. 9 30pm tea and toast, jam, butter, nice!
“They’re moving you later did you know”?
“No” I replied “where to”?
“Hematology Oncology ward” she said.
“OK” I replied “I will get my stuff ready and try to keep awake”….12 o’clock - still awake “What’s going on”? I asked the nurse “they are moving lots of patient so you will have to wait your turn”.
The hospital porter came in 1 30 am “We are moving you now” he said “lay on the bed and enjoy the ride” 10 minutes later I arrived in my new room en-suite with TV on the wall pay TV on the other side, and a telephone. I unpacked and the nurse came in and took all my stats except blood, What no blood” I said
“No point I will take that at 7 30” I Just love needles! My arms are bruised, tender and rather sore by now.
Saturday 9am have had my Breakfast my phone keeps ringing I don’t know the number so let it ring. Emily came in and had a long talk with me over the thing going to happen to me my drug treatment and so on she left me feeling brighter and a bit more positive over my future, she forgot to mention my bone marrow probe.
Well I thought, Saturday morning armed with news papers and a remote control I will do what most men do, read the sports page and try to find a sports channel on the free view TV. I felt quite good and by now I felt I had come to terms with the fact I had CML.
Debbie came in 10ish also with a car magazine for me. I had been given my last glucose drip and was free to walk around. I got the go ahead to nip to the hospital restaurant, but had to be back before the hematologist came round. We had half an hour there, a coffee and croissant, and we spoke for a while. When I got back on the ward, I began to attempt the Sudoku I was rubbish at it, and for me the most patient man in the world I soon lost my rag with it and gave up, back to Sports TV, much more interesting than puzzles, I mean who had City bought over night and eighty million for Christiano Ronaldo, worlds gone mad! But couldn’t help but think if we had him playing for City I suppose that would be alright.
So its now early afternoon and the day was beginning to drag, the ward was stifling hot, and the windows were all taped round to stop dust coming in from all the building work that was being carried out. Doctor Emily arrived, she had a chat with us both and examined me. Well I am tempted to send you home, I don’t see any reason for you to stay here, we will keep your room, like a hotel room, its yours to come and go to, we will need you back in the morning 1st thing again for your blood test. When it comes to a quick exit, I am an expert… “not so quick John we need to take the needles out of your hand first and sort your medication out, and then you may go home”.
Debbie took me home then went to collect out 10 year old son from the caravan in the Lakes, where his Nan and Grandad were looking after him. I just wanted to see him and he wanted to see me.
I was very insecure, and had inner emotional turmoil. I didn’t have much time to pondor over things, the visitors started to arrive, my parents, then my sister-in-law with a nice box of chocolates.
Good Friends and the Start of My Recovery
Good friends from my sons’ school had phoned Debbie earlier that day to invite us to a family party. In the car going home I asked Debbie if she thought it would be a good idea to go, as it would be nice to be in company and to have a glass of wine with friends. When it comes to parties Debbie doesn’t need asking twice!
It was Gala weekend so James went to find his friend Remy at the Fun Fair on the playing fields next to the house. They returned played football and had fun on the bouncy castle. It felt good to relax and chat occasionally about my CML. Everyone will know or have known someone suffering Cancer and to talk and open up does help. As you can probably imagine it was the only thing I could think about, so it was a weight lifted to have activity around me, interesting people and stories as opposed to sitting around at home thinking and going over the last 2 days. I honestly can’t thank everyone enough for that evening, especially Helen and Graham for the invite. I promised Graham that I would play the charity golf tournament I had entered regardless of circumstances, and he told me he would provide a golf cart for my round.
We ate a lovely meal and at about 10:30 we left for home. The night had been an absolute tonic.
We only live 500 yards away so we were soon home, Sky TV, films etc, it was lovely to sit and relax and dose in the comfort of my own home. Debs said how lucky I was to be home and how glad she was to have me back, it had been an absolute nightmare, one minute happily plodding on through life, the next minute having the carpet pulled from under your feet and riding the storm, without any control, just living in hope, and here I was!
Sunday morning came - back to my hotel room at the hospital. Breakfast came and went cup of tea more News Papers and Sky Sorts News then in came the nurse “Morning John, did a jail break last night”?
“Went out” I replied
“Poulton, The Cube”?
“No” I said “a party at a friends house”
“Well”, she said “lets do the works on you, usual check up and then a bit of blood”. Yep I thought back in hospital again same old routine, but being jovial with the staff and having a laugh was my way of dealing with things, even the blood tests, its just my nature.
9 30 Emily came in, “Did you have a nice evening” I asked “Not bad”, she said “Did you”? smiling.
“Yes thanks, party at a friends’ house best night of my life, I feel so much better for it, thanks for letting me escape”.
“You can go home again after lunch”, she said smiling.
Just what I was hoping to hear.
“Ok down to your treatment, tomorrow either myself or my colleague will do a bone marrow probe”, she went on to describe the procedure and left me with no doubt in my mind that it was going to hurt. I asked if it would help me get better, she then explained how the bone marrow would confirm their diagnosis of CML and give them a clearer, more accurate incite as to my blood counts before treatment on the ‘Golden Bullet’ commences.
After lunch true to her word she said “You can go home now”.
Back home now, with the knowledge that I have CML and despite all the denial, I was ill after all. I will keep positive as I have done since Thursday, and I need everyone around me to be positive as well.
Sunday afternoon and evening were a blur, we had family round and had an unplanned BBQ. I nursed my new grandson for the 1st time.
Monday morning school for James, Rossall is a good Public School and he is always happy to go, he even likes to be one of the first in, in the morning. We arrived just after 8am, James went off to his classroom while Debbie and I went to speak with Mr James the Headmaster. We explained the situation and told him that James was fully informed, I also had to cancel the Children’s Golf Class I give at school on a Tuesday evening. He was sorry to hear my news and reassured us they would keep an eye on James. He wished me well and Debbie and I drove to the hospital.
I reported for duty knowing that today might be more painful than I expected. A young doctor walked in, he introduced himself as Dr Sam and informed me he would be carrying out the bone marrow probe on me. He said that it was not going to be a pleasant experience but he would be as quick as he could, then half apologetically he went over the procedure again with me. “First I will give you a local, just a jab through the muscles in your lower back into the bone to keep the pain down, I will then insert a larger needle through the muscle and bone in your hip to take some marrow then a bone sample, you will feel some pushing and twisting”
“That sounds BLOODY painful”! I replied.
“Yes, it does hurt but the local will take the edge off the pain”.
1pm he came in and then said he wouldn’t be long, I braced myself for what was about to happen, if you don’t like the dentists then you have an idea of the anticipation – it was like waiting to have a tooth pulled.
Debbie was at my side trying to keep my mind occupied.
1:30 came, still no Sam.
1:45 in came the trolley followed by Sam, he apologised as he had been detained by another patient. I looked at his trolley… big mistake, now when I say needles the size of a BIC pen with grips on to dig deeper I am not exaggerating! The first needle went in, not to bad after all I had been attacked with them every day for the past 4 day by Vampire Nurses who wanted blood, it was quite painless so to say.
Now the BIC pen with handles for extra grip “God that hurt” tears to my eyes and I could feel the drilling echoing through my bones up to my teeth… and women complain about child birth! First drilling session over he told me to relax “I will give you a minute”, at this point I recollected my vasectomy when he said “There will be some discomfort tugging etc, but you wont feel much …now I will just inject your ‘balls”, but he lied because just when he said almost done, and I thought it was all over and I had survived it, he said “and now for the other one”.
I told Sam this and he laughed, “Right, are you ready”?
“Not really but lets get it over with”
It’s only one more time I was telling myself, and he drilled again. Now knowing what pain to expect you might think it was easier second time round, infact I think it was more painful - I was biting the pillow at one point, sweat trickling down my face. “I have to make sure I get enough, don’t want to have to do it again if I can help it” he said, “you have very hard bone” now showing me the bone probe he had taken out of my pelvis he looked at me “Sorry, its not enough, I need more” by now I was soaked to the skin, I said “You know the sweating you get with CML - its back” he laughed with me and said “that’s the spirit” lets get finished, so he drilled some more and thankfully this time with full success. He said “Lay there for a few minutes recovery then you can get up. I still had hold of Debbies’ hand.
I sat up on the bed, it was down to the wait now as I could not be discharged until my results come back.
Less than 3 hours after Sam left with my bone marrow the results were back from Christies.
The consultant brought me the news “Good afternoon Mr Wraith, we have your result back and they confirm you have CML, the rarest form of Leukaemea but the one we have the most success treating” we spoke for a while and he said “I will now leave you in the hands of my staff, who will look after you from now on. We will for now require a blood sample twice a week until further notice, and see me once a month for a check up and talk any questions don’t hesitate to ask”.
Now at this point I want to say this: If you were to read the papers or listen to the news you usually hear negative things about our hospitals - not true! From my first phone call from Dr Horton right through to leaving, I have only praise, the reception staff, nurses, sisters, cleaners, the girls and boys who bring the food and cuppas, the man who sells the news papers, my Doctors, Specialists and of course my private case nurse who gave me her telephone number “Just ring if you want to speak to me, you or your wife, that’s what I am there for”.
To all concerned: You all hold a special place in my heart for your care and dedication to your jobs.
Now from arriving home on Monday evening until Thursday I didn’t do much only relax and try to come to terms with my illness.
Thursday afternoon and I went into Work to see how thing were going on, I began to call my friends and acquaintances who had left messages on my phone.
The second person I called was Tim Halley, a nice guy and when he has his Golf lessons we always have a cup of Coffee and a chat. I was supposed to be playing Golf with him last Friday but I had other things on my mind, while lay in the hospital bed and left them waiting for me in the golf club car park wondering where I was. When I called he was at a seminar in Birmingham and his phone was turned off but at lunch time he range me back.
“What happened last Friday”? He asked. I told him the story and he was quite shocked but he said “You won’t believe this, but we have just had a talk given by Geoff Thomas ex England Footballer he had the same as you, he is stood next to me now”
“Can you get his number, maybe he will have information for me or even support groups etc”, little did I know.
The Thursday afternoon passed and I retuned most of my calls I had missed.
Friday 19th June I received a call from Tim, he gave me Geoffs’ number.
At about 3:30 I gave Geoff a ring on his mobile phone he offered so much more than I’d hoped, he had information that I needed to hear, all about Leukaemia, the drugs the way to approach it, and we spoke for almost an hour.
I came off the phone full of energy and wanted to get involved in his good cause. He had met Lance Armstrong done the Tour de France, Football days, Golf Days all kind of fund raising events and his story was amazing. I am fortunate to be in a position to do something, if he can through his football then so can I through Golf!
Must ring Seve, my old friend Peter Harrison will have his number.
Friday evening I went up to the lakes to the caravan, had a nice BBQ and walked over to the club for a drink before going to bed. I was still quite tired, side effect from the drugs I was told.
Saturday I just did nothing really I just had no energy so watched a bit of TV and relaxed.
Sunday passed into Monday and I spent a little time at work
Monday 22nd June morning was just like any other James to School back home Debbie left for work 8 45 and I began to tidy around the house a little, watched sky news and then went to the driving range. Dad was there and as usual, he gave me a bunch of messages get well soon etc.
Chris the cab driver rang me to confirm when my close friend Erika would be landing at Manchester Airport (Swiss Air she won’t fly with the cheaper Airlines).
He picked her up and brought her to the range at about 2pm the moment she saw me she burst into tears she said we will beat this John I am sure of that with your positive mental attitude and the backing of your Family we will beat this.
Then proceeded to unpack her golf clubs and soon started hitting golf balls.
4pm and she wanted to talk about how my Business would get on with me away so much, I have good staff and also my Dad will watch the finances banking and stuff.
Gave her some tips in the bunker and then the Evening staff came in and we left for a bite to eat, at about 7:30 I left for home, night times are bad for me as I get tired very quickly.
Arrived home saw James & Debs had a glass of wine and went to bed.
Tuesday 23rd June morning same School trip but then I had to leave for the Hotel to pick up Erika as she had shown an interest in my treatment and wanted peace of mind that I was receiving the best available. We went to the Hospital for my blood work, Erika had already promised if thing were not right here she would pay for the best private treatment money can buy.
Had all my tests done and waited for my results.
White blood count down once again great news!
We went shopping to kill some time, I had every intention of going to the Trafford Centre, but it was just too much, so we ended up at M&S in Blackpool, I got myself 3 pairs of trousers, and a new tie - Smart lad now! All my other clothing was so big now I looked like a bag of rags. We had a bite to eat under the big one at Blackpool Pleasure Beach.
Back to shopping then returned Erika to her hotel.
Wednesday 25th June was the day of the Wooden Spoon Golf Event (Grahams Charity Golf Event) Apart from Erika’s genuine concern about my health, this golf day was the initial reason Erika came to visit. We had a start time 2pm, off we went to Knott End Golf Course, Graham my pal, true to his word had arranged a buggy for me. We played with Gus and Tim, I walked every second hole. My team played well apart from Tim who will insist on knocking the cover off the ball.
Great day we finished second and after the presentations and usual charity golf games, I was quite late getting home,10:30ish - exhausted!
As you would expect I was very tired the drugs I am on are now taking there toll on me.
Thursday 26th June School run followed by going to the hotel where I picked up Erika and ran her to the driving range where Chris my (chauffeur) cabby came and drove her to the Airport.
I did one or two jobs at the range and went home to rest, rest I said I was no sooner in the house and had a bath and was asleep in 30 minutes, woke up at 10 30 ate, took my tablets watched TV and fell fast asleep again until 7 30 Friday morning.
Friday came and went but I was still struggling to come to terms now that I have CML I mean I still don’t look ill or feel that bad, the drugs are helping but the side effects are now kicking in more and more.
I rang Geoff Thomas for a chat he is so interesting and it helps to talk to him.
That evening drove to the Lakes and tried to relax, didn’t go out to the club, just chilled in the caravan, had a glass of wine and slept early about 9 30 I think.
On June 11th 2009 John Wraith was diagnosed with
Chronic Myeloid Leukeamia.
The symptoms (in my case) I can now relate to:
Loss of appetite followed by rapid unintentional weight loss, tiredness & lack of energy (mild narcolepsy), painful left side (swollen spleen), water retention/swollen feet, cramp & profuse sweating (during sleep), erectile dysfunction.
If you suffer these symptoms please go for a blood test it may save your life.
· My wife now refers back to a specific day in December 2008 – We had spent all of our time over the previous 3 months renovating our house ready to move back into in October, which left just a couple of jobs to be finished after the move. I remember it was a bitterly cold day but only getting 1 day a week actual free time I had promised to brick up the window under the stairs around where the flue protruded for the new heating system we’d had installed. I’d phoned just to let her know that my fingers were not completely numb from the cold and I was going for a hot bath to thaw out! That evening we sat down in our usual disorderly fashion to eat tea – I took one mouthful and couldn’t face the thought of another bite.
Weeks went by and I was fully back into working, I did work hard and lots of hours I was the one who could never say no, a bit of a workaholic, I’d go home at night falling asleep where I sat, either on the floor or on the sofa.
I was hiding in my work, and no longer had a family or social life. I was of course oblivious to this, as never once in my life has it ever crossed my mind that I would suffer from anything other than the usual illnesses like colds and flu. Infact I can only ever recall visiting a doctors surgery once before.
I really wasn’t getting any better, I developed a cough then one afternoon at work I developed a nasty pain in my left side. The dates are all a bit sketchy, but it was time to admit I needed to seek professional advice so I visited my GPs’ surgery with my complaints. Viruses can last this long can’t they?
My GP was off at the time and I booked in to see the locum Doctor. Well he said he was a doctor. I mean, when I give golf lessons I show my PGA certificate to prove I can teach
But all he had was a stethoscope. I gave him all my symptoms, complained about my ‘virus’ and a pain in my left side - spleen area (I was told later by another doctor).
I can recall his exact words as being “I have a waiting room full of sick people and you come and visit me with a cough”! He went on to examine me and said it sounded like my left lung had fluid and booked me in at Fleetwood hospital for and X-ray and he sent me away with a course of anti-biotic which admittedly did begin to work and I felt better over the next 2 weeks. I had a 2nd X-ray to confirm my chest was now clear. But I was still wasn’t happy with my tiredness.
I had been masking problems by popping pills (co-codomal) which I found to be a pick me up.
I received an enquiry for a Trick Golf Show and started to get myself back in shape.
On 26th March I was in Loch Lomond making final preparations for my Trick Golf Show.
The Cross Country Golf event at Barnard Castle Golf & Country Club and surprise inclusion and guest participation of my Trick Golf Show on the 6th hole was deemed a success, an enjoyable day for all! Trick golf after all is second nature to me, it has been my pleasure to perform all over Europe for over 20 years most of the time the tricks being intentional!
It had been a really nice day but I couldn’t for the life of me work out why I was so tired, normally I can play 36 holes of Golf in a Day, and a Trick golf Show for me was a breeze. I was still convinced that I just had to build myself up more, I’d been working too hard and this was my body’s’ way of saying take it a little easier.
I returned to Cameron House Hotel, outside (the only place to get a signal) while ringing my wife Debs I found myself surrounded by players from the Scottish National Football team who had been training nearby. At the same time they were all (reporting back to base) ringing their WAGS - it was nice to hear obviously rich young footballers asking about their kids and such.
I finished my phone call and headed up to my room to have a nice hot shower and lay on the bed.
I dozed off – this had become normality, a transition so gradual over the months I always brushed off as … “I wasn’t asleep I was just relaxing”
Schools are now back after the Easter break, and I am in full flow - I was teaching 10 year old kids every day at various local schools and they loved it!
Monday Wednesday Thursday and Friday, then every Tuesday I was teaching the kids at my son’s school.
Night times were always the same… I would come home and the tiredness would set in immediately. I thought I was working too hard but then I began to lose my appetite.
I have always loved my food - all food! You certainly don’t get to 118Kg from picky eating. Anyhow, I was still pouring myself a glass of red wine in the evening, but I wasn’t enjoying it as much as before. Bed time would come, and I transferred my fatigued body to the bedroom. In the night my sleep was always disturbed, I get up 3 times a night to go to the toilet, or wake up with sweats.
My sex life was not as usual I had no stamina, no energy, in my mind it was all put down to my heavy work load.
Working through the month I was getting worse and now my weight loss was getting out of hand, down one waist size, my tops were beginning hang off me but worse of all I was weak - I had lost muscle in my arms and legs. I began to find simple chores a struggle, not one to complain I just got on with it. I was finding clothing that fitted me again, infact it was like getting a new wardrobe, in the back of my mind I was concerned, and on the other hand I looked better. If I’d known more about the Leukaemia symptoms from day one I would have been more concerned but you don’t and as with most men, going to see the Doctor is not some thing you like to do.
My next symptoms were swollen feet and ankles; full of water, again they I just dismissed this because I spent so much time on my feet.
Late April, I was invited to go to Switzerland to teach for 2 days. I thought it would be a nice break, chance to relax, play golf and see some old friends. We booked 18 holes, the weather was so hot and sticky and after playing 9 holes I had to excuse myself, I was completely done in! I had been drinking water all the way round but could not take another step, I decided it was all down to the heat and again dismissed it. The following evening after a quiet day I decided to walk to a local good Italian Restaurant I know, halfway there I had to stop, my legs were just so tired. It is too hot here. When I worked in the South of Switzerland about 7 years ago, I must have acclimatized as I didn’t suffer the heat and humidity, even though I worked all day. So there I was telling myself that its probably just the fact I’m not used to it anymore.
The flight home was a night flight and I slept for an hour and arrived home, had a glass of wine and told my wife about my tiredness. We had spoke over the phone briefly but as phone costs are high I waited until my return so I didn’t cause any concern. Still no alarm bells ringing.
May came along and we were all busy with work and business was picking up at my Golf Range. Late Spring means that the grass needed cutting more often, so twice a week I had to cut the grass, looking back I don’t know what was driving me, after moving and washing the golf balls cutting the grass and struggling through my daily routines I wasn’t just tired at night anymore. My wife and her mum were becoming more and more concerned.
We have a caravan up in the Lakes and every weekend my family and extended family, my lads friends, my wifes’ parents and occasionally my Mum and Dad go up to the Lake District. I would go up after work Friday night, but always came back to work on Saturday and go home Saturday night – eat, relax and try to catch up on my sleep with no one in the house to bother me, and not feel like I was being monitored.
This continued on through May, it was a hotter month than we have had for a while, I was still sweating at night but put it down to the warmer weather. What is now obvious to me is the complete denial – It is so difficult to explain how easily I fell into this trap, the knowing that things weren’t right, but hoping it will pass and things will get better, I mean I did have days when I felt great as well, which just fuelled the denial, and excuses, I was still convinced it was some type of virus.
One nice evening near the end of May we had a family barbeque at home, there was quiet a crowd of us. As usual, I was the designated banger burner, I had a few nibbles (chefs prerogative) while cooking, what I didn’t know was that I was being watched by my increasingly concerned family. When we all sat down to eat, they were noting my food intake or lack of it. “You didn’t eat much John”! “No”, I said “I was eating when cooking, just a glass of wine now and I will be OK”.
I sat down to relax with my glass of wine and nodded off.
The next day I called into the office of the family business where my wife works with her parents “How do you feel this morning John”? “On top of the world” as I generally did in the morning, then kindly asked them leave me alone and stop pecking at me, if there had been anything wrong I wouldn’t have admitted it.
Debbie’s Dad backed me up “ leave the lad alone now”.
June and the range was getting busier, which meant more hours, working till late, usually 9pm, returning home to eat then sleep. Now the nights were very disturbed, It became normal to end up on the sofa after sweating a lot in bed usually soaked by 3 30.
Monday 8th June my wife rang and told me she had booked an appointment at the Doctors, 9 30 Wednesday the 10th.
Doctor Rameson: “What can I do for you today Mr Wraith”? “Well”, I said “I’ve lost quiet a lot of weight, I am having terrible night sweats and tiredness, but my general health is quite good and I don’t particularly feel ill”.
The Doctor went on to examine me, weigh me, he listened to my lungs, checked my heart, blood pressure, “Good, that’s OK, I think you should see a chest expert anyway as your side is still a bit painful, where is it exactly”? I pointed and he said “Lay down”, he examined the exact area (my spleen) and without hesitation booked me in for a blood test 1st thing in the morning.
Debbie was waiting in the car outside, so I told her nothing wrong with me but I was to go back for a blood test tomorrow to eliminate any concerns. I went to her work, had a cup of coffee and onto my days work.
The Day my Life Changed
Woke up as normal Thursday morning had another drink of water as I was told to fast - God I need a coffee! I took James to School, drove round to the Doctors and waited for my blood test, the first in nearly 20yrs! I was dreading it, will it hurt? I hate needles!
By 9:40 I was out of the surgery, it hadn’t hurt too much. I set off to Debs office and grab that much needed cup of coffee.
At 9:50 I left for work arriving at 10:10 I set about my days work.
It had been a pleasant Summers day, and I had managed to give a couple of golf lessons, this my mate Tim was due in at 8pm, he always gave a hand on Thursdays to round up the ball baskets and lock up.
At 6:50pm my phone rang with a withheld number. I never answer those calls, people selling things “Do you want a new phone contract” etc… but whoever it had been left a voice message, it was pretty late for telesales, and something made me check my voice mail straight away.
Blackpool Victoria Hospital Hematology Department - You had a blood test this morning, it,s very important you ring this number now whatever you’re doing STOP ring me - my name is Doctor Horton.–
I immediately returned his call…
“Can I speak to Dr Horton please it’s John Wraith I have a message to ring him”
“Sorry” came the reply, “he has just stepped out - Are you alone or do you have someone with you”?
S**T I thought this is not good! Kevin my next lesson had just arrived, “Yes, an acquaintance of mine is with me”
“Sit down” he said “and listen carefully. You are very sick, we have just finished your blood test and it shows up a serious problem, we have booked you in the Clinical Decisions Unit at Victoria Hospital Blackpool. You have to go there now –Dr Horton will ring you as soon as he comes back in”!
Kevin could see the news was bad and said “Are you OK - you have gone grey”
So I told him my news, I arranged cover and left - I thought I would go home first and get Debbie to run me to the hospital, realising as I jumped in the Land Rover I was low on diesel… I will make it 5 mins down the M55 motorway if I’m lucky!
The phone rang - a withheld number, this had to be the Doctor!
“Mr Wraith”?
“John” I said.
“John” he said “listen very carefully it’s important – from your blood results we have found a disorder called Acute Myeloid Leukaemia, this disorder is life threatening, you need to get yourself to Victoria Hospital immediately, we have reserved a bed for you at the Clinical Decisions Unit, go to A and E they will direct you from there. “John do you understand …….This is urgent…….Are you on your own”?
“Yes” I replied.
“Where are you now”?
“M55” I replied.
“John” he said “drive carefully - Good Luck”!
The call ended.
All I could think about was the nature he delivered the news and the thought that had gone into what he had to say, I was obviously not the 1st he’d rang with such news.
I phoned Debbie.
“You will have to make overnight arrangements for James tonight. The Doctor has just phoned me from the Hospital, about my blood test results, I have to go straight there, I’ve got Leukaemia, I’m sorry to give you bad news”.
She tried to reassure me and told me to take my time.
Rapid arrangements were made for James’ to be dropped off at his Aunties house.
I arrived home at 7 30 with just enough diesel to make it up the drive. I parked my Land Rover and went inside, automatically putting keys and stuff where Debs would be able to find them.
Within 10 minutes I was being driven to the hospital.
At the Hospital A&E they directed me straight upstairs to the Clinical Decisions Unit.
I checked in at the reception, and they sent us to a waiting room… “Mr Wraith, John” I said “Yes”, “John we will put you on a ward”, I looked around and the some of the patients were very ill!
“Infact I will see if we have a single room for you” she said.
It took about 10 mins to sort me out and then it started – “Evening John, I need to put a line in you so we can keep you hydrated”
“Ouch! that hurts”
“Yes” she said “most men say that” and I thought that probably true but I don’t like needles. The drip started and my arm felt cold for a while, just when I thought I was in the clear in came the Ward Sister
“How do you feel John”?
“A bit anxious you know”
“Well this wont take long just need some blood” she said I replied “You had some this morning can you not use that”
“No, we need fresh blood and we need to carry out more tests”.
Its now about 8 15 I am still in shock I don’t know much about Leukaemia only that a boy I knew when I was young died from it and that Gary Linekers’ son had it and they went to Japan for treatment.
The clock and the drip I was on were in perfect unison Tic…drip… Tock… drip.
Debbie and I sat on the end of the bed, and the wait began.
I must admit that my thoughts were of the worst kind - I must make sure things are alright for the family… I wonder how long I have… Next sentence: Don’t be daft you can beat this if you need to - never lost at anything my whole life long,not starting now! I have far to much to fit into my life.
I was then wheeled down for an X-ray, I was glad to see a familiar face, a lady that visits my Driving Range was the operator, she reassured me as I left that the pictures of my lymph glands and lungs looked clear.
I told Debbie when I returned, but we didn’t speak much. My mind was in turmoil, thoughts racing, so many questions swimming round, and still in total shock, the velocity of what had happened, I hadn’t even felt ill!
I was given medication, but the main tablet they wanted to put me on had to be brought in, the sister came round at about 10.45 and produced 3 massive pills. “What’s the medication”? Debbie asked, and she gave us the name, “but what does it do”?
“It’s the start of your Chemo”
Debbie and I just looked at each other.
I think the sister said that the Doctor who was looking at my case would be round soon to see me and explain my results from my 2nd blood test.
My eldest son was very concerned, and I wasn’t ready to speak with anyone until I could answer their questions, Debbie tried to lighten the news by saying that there was a white blood cell deficiency and they were taking further tests, but my son isn’t one to accept anything but the full truth of the situation, he lost his mother, my first wife, 6 years ago, to brain cancer, and struggled through the heartache of seeing his wife and mother of his 3 children be diagnosed and treated with the same. So I had to be honest and tell him.
My daughter who had been through the agony of losing her mother had text me, just to let me know her contractions had started and her baby was on the way – so I had to be very careful about how much information got through to her.
The time passed very slow and it was an endless wait for the Doctor but he came through my door a little after midnight.
An Indian Doctor, lots of hair I thought, for a Doctor.
“Mr Wraith”
“Yes” I said “its John”
“OK John, I have the results of your latest blood tests”, he then made small talk and asked questions about my symptoms. I tried as best as I could to recall the last months but I knew he had news for me and my concentration was very bad at this time.
“Right John, the blood tests indicate that you have Leukaemia, there are different types of Leukaemia, with different treatments and it now appears that it may not be as severe as the initial analysis, but need to carry out more tests and maybe do a bonemarrow probe. I am not a specialist, the Hematologist will be in to see you in the morning and will be able to give you more answers. – Just remember one of the strongest medications is in here” and tapped his head.
Debbie says it was at this point she decided to let me get some rest and she left for home.
Tick…drip….Tock….drip.
7:30 More blood taken, then a nice nurse gave me a cup of tea and Breakfast.
I had just finished when my Hematologist came to see me. “John, I am Emily, I will be in charge of your case from here on, when we have a bed free we will move you to Hematology and Oncology Ward and you will be looked after there.
Well, your blood count looks better than yesterday and further tests have confirmed it is Leukeamia, but not the Acute case that we first suspected – You have Chronic Myeloid Leukemia.”
I thought it sounded even worse!
She then began to explain it was much easier and more successful to treat than Acute Myeloid Leukaemia. “We have a new wonder drug called Imatinib, made by Novartis in Switzerland, one tablet a day - we call it the Golden Bullet and the results are very encouraging”. On this she left me some literature a CML booklet and the medication information. – I didn’t want to know anymore about it than what the specialist told me, so I set the information she left to one side.
When the doctor had left I rang Debbie told her the better news, then rang my Mum & Dad, my eldest son Andrew and Geoff my Daughters Partner who was at this time timing the contractions which had started again.
Nurse came and then did what soon became my daily routine of Blood test blood pressure temperature and the usual questions “Water works OK? Turned your bowels over today”? “Yes” I replied “perfect working order”.
10.00, in came my Daughter and Geoff her Partner.
“I thought you were in maternity having a baby” I was pleased to see her.
She was very upset, dealing with the contractions then the thought of her Dad not being here was to much to bear, but with the news that it was CML and treatable she perked up, and left half an hour later, to contend with the rest of her day - in a happier frame of mind.
11ish Debbie arrived armed with PJs, toiletries, slippers and a newspaper - straight to the sports page to see who have Man City have bought today, then to Golf.
Lunch came I wasn’t exactly ravenous, my appetite was struggling before my diagnosis, so the food that arrived was hardly appealing, just essential.
Back on my own again, I made a few phone calls and the door opened again - My Dad, he’d been downstairs to see the eye specialist, “You OK son”?
“Well I said better than 24 hours ago but still not out of the woods yet”. He’d brought me a drink of apple juice, some chocolate and a cold bacon sandwich - well it’s the thought that counts.
He shuffled left and right looked uncomfortable made small talk, commented that 3 generations were all at the hospital at the same time and then said “I am off” - My Dad never liked being inside Hospitals and I think as much as he wanted to stay in a blink he was off home.
So alone again in my room door opened again it was my son Andrew “Hi Son” I said “what are you doing here”? he had taken a day off teaching, he’d already planned to be in Blackpool when the baby’s born but he was on a time factor because it was his youngest lads birthday today he had to get back home for his party.
Andrew sat with me for almost an hour, then went off to maternity in the hope of catching a glimpse of the baby and a couple of photos to take home, but he had to leave as it turned out half an hour before the baby was born.
3pm I got a phone call from Geoff, “You have a Grandson, 8lbs mother and baby are both doing well”! then a text picture of them both arrived.
I had a cup of tea to celebrate, then slept until I was woken by the smell of food.
I ate up, had a shower and then went back to bed, slept a bit. At visiting time ee were both a bit more positive and spoke with a bit more knowledge about my illness, the last 24hrs had really taken its toll on me. We decided to ask the ward sister if it would be possible to go and see my Daughter and Baby, she rang Maternity and the answer was yes. In a flash my drip was plugged out and Debs was dragging me backwards in a wheel chair through the hospital corridors.
It was lovely to see them, at one point I said something and baby Tyler opened his eyes and seemed to look right at me as if to say “keep it down I’ve had a long day, trying to sleep here”.
Later back on my ward I was soon asleep. 9 30pm tea and toast, jam, butter, nice!
“They’re moving you later did you know”?
“No” I replied “where to”?
“Hematology Oncology ward” she said.
“OK” I replied “I will get my stuff ready and try to keep awake”….12 o’clock - still awake “What’s going on”? I asked the nurse “they are moving lots of patient so you will have to wait your turn”.
The hospital porter came in 1 30 am “We are moving you now” he said “lay on the bed and enjoy the ride” 10 minutes later I arrived in my new room en-suite with TV on the wall pay TV on the other side, and a telephone. I unpacked and the nurse came in and took all my stats except blood, What no blood” I said
“No point I will take that at 7 30” I Just love needles! My arms are bruised, tender and rather sore by now.
Saturday 9am have had my Breakfast my phone keeps ringing I don’t know the number so let it ring. Emily came in and had a long talk with me over the thing going to happen to me my drug treatment and so on she left me feeling brighter and a bit more positive over my future, she forgot to mention my bone marrow probe.
Well I thought, Saturday morning armed with news papers and a remote control I will do what most men do, read the sports page and try to find a sports channel on the free view TV. I felt quite good and by now I felt I had come to terms with the fact I had CML.
Debbie came in 10ish also with a car magazine for me. I had been given my last glucose drip and was free to walk around. I got the go ahead to nip to the hospital restaurant, but had to be back before the hematologist came round. We had half an hour there, a coffee and croissant, and we spoke for a while. When I got back on the ward, I began to attempt the Sudoku I was rubbish at it, and for me the most patient man in the world I soon lost my rag with it and gave up, back to Sports TV, much more interesting than puzzles, I mean who had City bought over night and eighty million for Christiano Ronaldo, worlds gone mad! But couldn’t help but think if we had him playing for City I suppose that would be alright.
So its now early afternoon and the day was beginning to drag, the ward was stifling hot, and the windows were all taped round to stop dust coming in from all the building work that was being carried out. Doctor Emily arrived, she had a chat with us both and examined me. Well I am tempted to send you home, I don’t see any reason for you to stay here, we will keep your room, like a hotel room, its yours to come and go to, we will need you back in the morning 1st thing again for your blood test. When it comes to a quick exit, I am an expert… “not so quick John we need to take the needles out of your hand first and sort your medication out, and then you may go home”.
Debbie took me home then went to collect out 10 year old son from the caravan in the Lakes, where his Nan and Grandad were looking after him. I just wanted to see him and he wanted to see me.
I was very insecure, and had inner emotional turmoil. I didn’t have much time to pondor over things, the visitors started to arrive, my parents, then my sister-in-law with a nice box of chocolates.
Good Friends and the Start of My Recovery
Good friends from my sons’ school had phoned Debbie earlier that day to invite us to a family party. In the car going home I asked Debbie if she thought it would be a good idea to go, as it would be nice to be in company and to have a glass of wine with friends. When it comes to parties Debbie doesn’t need asking twice!
It was Gala weekend so James went to find his friend Remy at the Fun Fair on the playing fields next to the house. They returned played football and had fun on the bouncy castle. It felt good to relax and chat occasionally about my CML. Everyone will know or have known someone suffering Cancer and to talk and open up does help. As you can probably imagine it was the only thing I could think about, so it was a weight lifted to have activity around me, interesting people and stories as opposed to sitting around at home thinking and going over the last 2 days. I honestly can’t thank everyone enough for that evening, especially Helen and Graham for the invite. I promised Graham that I would play the charity golf tournament I had entered regardless of circumstances, and he told me he would provide a golf cart for my round.
We ate a lovely meal and at about 10:30 we left for home. The night had been an absolute tonic.
We only live 500 yards away so we were soon home, Sky TV, films etc, it was lovely to sit and relax and dose in the comfort of my own home. Debs said how lucky I was to be home and how glad she was to have me back, it had been an absolute nightmare, one minute happily plodding on through life, the next minute having the carpet pulled from under your feet and riding the storm, without any control, just living in hope, and here I was!
Sunday morning came - back to my hotel room at the hospital. Breakfast came and went cup of tea more News Papers and Sky Sorts News then in came the nurse “Morning John, did a jail break last night”?
“Went out” I replied
“Poulton, The Cube”?
“No” I said “a party at a friends house”
“Well”, she said “lets do the works on you, usual check up and then a bit of blood”. Yep I thought back in hospital again same old routine, but being jovial with the staff and having a laugh was my way of dealing with things, even the blood tests, its just my nature.
9 30 Emily came in, “Did you have a nice evening” I asked “Not bad”, she said “Did you”? smiling.
“Yes thanks, party at a friends’ house best night of my life, I feel so much better for it, thanks for letting me escape”.
“You can go home again after lunch”, she said smiling.
Just what I was hoping to hear.
“Ok down to your treatment, tomorrow either myself or my colleague will do a bone marrow probe”, she went on to describe the procedure and left me with no doubt in my mind that it was going to hurt. I asked if it would help me get better, she then explained how the bone marrow would confirm their diagnosis of CML and give them a clearer, more accurate incite as to my blood counts before treatment on the ‘Golden Bullet’ commences.
After lunch true to her word she said “You can go home now”.
Back home now, with the knowledge that I have CML and despite all the denial, I was ill after all. I will keep positive as I have done since Thursday, and I need everyone around me to be positive as well.
Sunday afternoon and evening were a blur, we had family round and had an unplanned BBQ. I nursed my new grandson for the 1st time.
Monday morning school for James, Rossall is a good Public School and he is always happy to go, he even likes to be one of the first in, in the morning. We arrived just after 8am, James went off to his classroom while Debbie and I went to speak with Mr James the Headmaster. We explained the situation and told him that James was fully informed, I also had to cancel the Children’s Golf Class I give at school on a Tuesday evening. He was sorry to hear my news and reassured us they would keep an eye on James. He wished me well and Debbie and I drove to the hospital.
I reported for duty knowing that today might be more painful than I expected. A young doctor walked in, he introduced himself as Dr Sam and informed me he would be carrying out the bone marrow probe on me. He said that it was not going to be a pleasant experience but he would be as quick as he could, then half apologetically he went over the procedure again with me. “First I will give you a local, just a jab through the muscles in your lower back into the bone to keep the pain down, I will then insert a larger needle through the muscle and bone in your hip to take some marrow then a bone sample, you will feel some pushing and twisting”
“That sounds BLOODY painful”! I replied.
“Yes, it does hurt but the local will take the edge off the pain”.
1pm he came in and then said he wouldn’t be long, I braced myself for what was about to happen, if you don’t like the dentists then you have an idea of the anticipation – it was like waiting to have a tooth pulled.
Debbie was at my side trying to keep my mind occupied.
1:30 came, still no Sam.
1:45 in came the trolley followed by Sam, he apologised as he had been detained by another patient. I looked at his trolley… big mistake, now when I say needles the size of a BIC pen with grips on to dig deeper I am not exaggerating! The first needle went in, not to bad after all I had been attacked with them every day for the past 4 day by Vampire Nurses who wanted blood, it was quite painless so to say.
Now the BIC pen with handles for extra grip “God that hurt” tears to my eyes and I could feel the drilling echoing through my bones up to my teeth… and women complain about child birth! First drilling session over he told me to relax “I will give you a minute”, at this point I recollected my vasectomy when he said “There will be some discomfort tugging etc, but you wont feel much …now I will just inject your ‘balls”, but he lied because just when he said almost done, and I thought it was all over and I had survived it, he said “and now for the other one”.
I told Sam this and he laughed, “Right, are you ready”?
“Not really but lets get it over with”
It’s only one more time I was telling myself, and he drilled again. Now knowing what pain to expect you might think it was easier second time round, infact I think it was more painful - I was biting the pillow at one point, sweat trickling down my face. “I have to make sure I get enough, don’t want to have to do it again if I can help it” he said, “you have very hard bone” now showing me the bone probe he had taken out of my pelvis he looked at me “Sorry, its not enough, I need more” by now I was soaked to the skin, I said “You know the sweating you get with CML - its back” he laughed with me and said “that’s the spirit” lets get finished, so he drilled some more and thankfully this time with full success. He said “Lay there for a few minutes recovery then you can get up. I still had hold of Debbies’ hand.
I sat up on the bed, it was down to the wait now as I could not be discharged until my results come back.
Less than 3 hours after Sam left with my bone marrow the results were back from Christies.
The consultant brought me the news “Good afternoon Mr Wraith, we have your result back and they confirm you have CML, the rarest form of Leukaemea but the one we have the most success treating” we spoke for a while and he said “I will now leave you in the hands of my staff, who will look after you from now on. We will for now require a blood sample twice a week until further notice, and see me once a month for a check up and talk any questions don’t hesitate to ask”.
Now at this point I want to say this: If you were to read the papers or listen to the news you usually hear negative things about our hospitals - not true! From my first phone call from Dr Horton right through to leaving, I have only praise, the reception staff, nurses, sisters, cleaners, the girls and boys who bring the food and cuppas, the man who sells the news papers, my Doctors, Specialists and of course my private case nurse who gave me her telephone number “Just ring if you want to speak to me, you or your wife, that’s what I am there for”.
To all concerned: You all hold a special place in my heart for your care and dedication to your jobs.
Now from arriving home on Monday evening until Thursday I didn’t do much only relax and try to come to terms with my illness.
Thursday afternoon and I went into Work to see how thing were going on, I began to call my friends and acquaintances who had left messages on my phone.
The second person I called was Tim Halley, a nice guy and when he has his Golf lessons we always have a cup of Coffee and a chat. I was supposed to be playing Golf with him last Friday but I had other things on my mind, while lay in the hospital bed and left them waiting for me in the golf club car park wondering where I was. When I called he was at a seminar in Birmingham and his phone was turned off but at lunch time he range me back.
“What happened last Friday”? He asked. I told him the story and he was quite shocked but he said “You won’t believe this, but we have just had a talk given by Geoff Thomas ex England Footballer he had the same as you, he is stood next to me now”
“Can you get his number, maybe he will have information for me or even support groups etc”, little did I know.
The Thursday afternoon passed and I retuned most of my calls I had missed.
Friday 19th June I received a call from Tim, he gave me Geoffs’ number.
At about 3:30 I gave Geoff a ring on his mobile phone he offered so much more than I’d hoped, he had information that I needed to hear, all about Leukaemia, the drugs the way to approach it, and we spoke for almost an hour.
I came off the phone full of energy and wanted to get involved in his good cause. He had met Lance Armstrong done the Tour de France, Football days, Golf Days all kind of fund raising events and his story was amazing. I am fortunate to be in a position to do something, if he can through his football then so can I through Golf!
Must ring Seve, my old friend Peter Harrison will have his number.
Friday evening I went up to the lakes to the caravan, had a nice BBQ and walked over to the club for a drink before going to bed. I was still quite tired, side effect from the drugs I was told.
Saturday I just did nothing really I just had no energy so watched a bit of TV and relaxed.
Sunday passed into Monday and I spent a little time at work
Monday 22nd June morning was just like any other James to School back home Debbie left for work 8 45 and I began to tidy around the house a little, watched sky news and then went to the driving range. Dad was there and as usual, he gave me a bunch of messages get well soon etc.
Chris the cab driver rang me to confirm when my close friend Erika would be landing at Manchester Airport (Swiss Air she won’t fly with the cheaper Airlines).
He picked her up and brought her to the range at about 2pm the moment she saw me she burst into tears she said we will beat this John I am sure of that with your positive mental attitude and the backing of your Family we will beat this.
Then proceeded to unpack her golf clubs and soon started hitting golf balls.
4pm and she wanted to talk about how my Business would get on with me away so much, I have good staff and also my Dad will watch the finances banking and stuff.
Gave her some tips in the bunker and then the Evening staff came in and we left for a bite to eat, at about 7:30 I left for home, night times are bad for me as I get tired very quickly.
Arrived home saw James & Debs had a glass of wine and went to bed.
Tuesday 23rd June morning same School trip but then I had to leave for the Hotel to pick up Erika as she had shown an interest in my treatment and wanted peace of mind that I was receiving the best available. We went to the Hospital for my blood work, Erika had already promised if thing were not right here she would pay for the best private treatment money can buy.
Had all my tests done and waited for my results.
White blood count down once again great news!
We went shopping to kill some time, I had every intention of going to the Trafford Centre, but it was just too much, so we ended up at M&S in Blackpool, I got myself 3 pairs of trousers, and a new tie - Smart lad now! All my other clothing was so big now I looked like a bag of rags. We had a bite to eat under the big one at Blackpool Pleasure Beach.
Back to shopping then returned Erika to her hotel.
Wednesday 25th June was the day of the Wooden Spoon Golf Event (Grahams Charity Golf Event) Apart from Erika’s genuine concern about my health, this golf day was the initial reason Erika came to visit. We had a start time 2pm, off we went to Knott End Golf Course, Graham my pal, true to his word had arranged a buggy for me. We played with Gus and Tim, I walked every second hole. My team played well apart from Tim who will insist on knocking the cover off the ball.
Great day we finished second and after the presentations and usual charity golf games, I was quite late getting home,10:30ish - exhausted!
As you would expect I was very tired the drugs I am on are now taking there toll on me.
Thursday 26th June School run followed by going to the hotel where I picked up Erika and ran her to the driving range where Chris my (chauffeur) cabby came and drove her to the Airport.
I did one or two jobs at the range and went home to rest, rest I said I was no sooner in the house and had a bath and was asleep in 30 minutes, woke up at 10 30 ate, took my tablets watched TV and fell fast asleep again until 7 30 Friday morning.
Friday came and went but I was still struggling to come to terms now that I have CML I mean I still don’t look ill or feel that bad, the drugs are helping but the side effects are now kicking in more and more.
I rang Geoff Thomas for a chat he is so interesting and it helps to talk to him.
That evening drove to the Lakes and tried to relax, didn’t go out to the club, just chilled in the caravan, had a glass of wine and slept early about 9 30 I think.
